Creative Writing Homework
The Napoleon Farm.
Dear Diary,
Months have passed since the expelling of Snowball, and the farm has became a prison! Ever since that noble leader left, this evil, fat and devilish pig has turned Animal Farm into his own kingdom. He obliterated democracy, destroyed the beliefs of Old Major and has committed the biggest sin of all, spoke with the humans and put them in control of us! Unbelievable! We are now slaves to these disgusting beings again. Mr Jones enjoys whipping us everyday, swearing at us, and generally ‘killing us’. Literally our morale is in the mud, and because of this, many of the animals have taken their own lives. Squealer, Boxer and many other animals have been betrayed by Napoleon and then betrayed themselves by killing themselves. Uh-oh, got to go, Mr Jones is looking for me! Wish me luck!
Gabriel the pecking chicken.
November 24th, 2013 at 10:32 pm
Hello Gabriel,
This reads well and your use of varied sentence structures helps the piece to flow. Though I wonder whether a chicken would know this complex vocabulary, I do think you have shown a real sense of anger and frustration.
Consider:
1) Avoid using exclamation marks;
2) Where would you cut this into two paragraphs? Why?
3) Mr Jones?